she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
