who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
