It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Someone shit on the floor
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
