You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
it hurts more in the daytime
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
