i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
