Barsexuality is the new black.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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