I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
