What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
