My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
