So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
