i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
