I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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