They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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