I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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