WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
