So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
