hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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