pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
