I smell stomach acid.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
