dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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