Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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