This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
