Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
