I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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