so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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