After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
