Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.