Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.

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  (630): she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers. http://tfl.nu/u7sr
  Replies (9) Good night (1036) Bad night (5342)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work

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  (313): These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work http://tfl.nu/lrs5
  Replies (13) Good night (5212) Bad night (747)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks

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  (918): they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks http://tfl.nu/5j5t
  Replies (27) Good night (1372) Bad night (7271)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.

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  (248): That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that. http://tfl.nu/u3z8
  Replies (7) Good night (2407) Bad night (1482)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.

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  (602): I am NOT getting arrested in a wig. http://tfl.nu/5nul
  Replies (15) Good night (2677) Bad night (1098)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.

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  (215): I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident. http://tfl.nu/6tc4
  Replies (13) Good night (1758) Bad night (804)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.

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  (603): Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride. http://tfl.nu/at65
  Replies (7) Good night (925) Bad night (519)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.

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  (226): We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose. http://tfl.nu/xde0
  Replies (5) Good night (793) Bad night (443)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP

  (207): View more from Maine

  Do we still have any pizza left from last night?

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  (207): CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP (207): Do we still have any pizza left from last night? http://tfl.nu/ytp9
  Replies (10) Good night (785) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded

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  (304): Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded http://tfl.nu/tqk6
  Replies (3) Good night (510) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I like how you're utilizing your resources

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  (814): Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor (1-814): I like how you're utilizing your resources http://tfl.nu/lq2x
  Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (320)
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  (709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

  Great news. Our sex broke my otter box

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  (709): Great news. Our sex broke my otter box http://tfl.nu/dqxv
  Replies (3) Good night (797) Bad night (346)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?

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  (870): too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush. (870): Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman? http://tfl.nu/9w4v
  Replies (2) Good night (636) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?

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  (+44): What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick? http://tfl.nu/5mnp
  Replies (1) Good night (409) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.

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  (954): Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish. http://tfl.nu/6nh8
  Replies (1) Good night (361) Bad night (189)

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