I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?