We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying