I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit