life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras