I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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