So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
