I feel like abortions should bother me more
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
