So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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