i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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