I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
