p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
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You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
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The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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