Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
