Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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