he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
