Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
