Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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