Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
