I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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