does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
