After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
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dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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