How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
