so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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