remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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