2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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