I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
