Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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