I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
