i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you win again, gameday.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
