Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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