I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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