The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
