the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
