I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
