Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
