We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
