i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
