i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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