I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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