you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
