fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
My breasts were aching with rage.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
