I think I won the penis lottery.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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