So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Randomize
