I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
