I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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