If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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