Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
