just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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