I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
