i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
