i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
