at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This house was built for laser tag.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
