In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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